Behold A Lady

1. Mean Lady Nice Lady Mean Lady Nice Lady

I take Sally "O.U."* in the morning before I go to work. A few months ago on our block was a woman with a small dog, I think a Cairn terrier, the Toto (not the band) kind. So there's this thing where when Sally sees another dog, she freaks out unless she gets to "meet" the dog. And then, most likely, after they meet she will still freak out and scare the dog (and especially its owner) away with her high-pitched shrieking. It's happy shrieking, but it's very grating. ("EEEE! EEEE! EEEE!" No really, it's one of the most horrible sounds you will ever hear, and people rush away from her in terror. Or um, terrier. Ha!)

Anyway this lady was a total SNOB and she just gave me the nastiest look, like, no way I'm letting my dog close to yours. And that was BEFORE Sally started her shrieks. So imagine this lady after the shrieking began. After that episode, I would run into that lady and her (extremely lame) dog every once in awhile and she would give me a nasty look. After a couple of those glares, if I saw her I would cross the street FAST without making eye contact because I was all like fuck you beeyatch! I was especially peeved because she was on OUR block, and I know for SHORE she does not live on our block. And I would come back inside with Sally and I'd say to Pete, that beeyatch was out there again! And he would be like, oh sad.

Anyway one day it struck me that it was pretty lame to be harboring all this extreme negativity, and if that lady wanted to be a beeyatch, she could feel free but I wasn't going to exacerbate it. You know, that whole flies with honey thing, or whatever the fark that saying is. So the next time I saw her, I quickly crossed the street, but first I said "HI!" in a super-friendly way, with a big smile. I was gone before I could see her reaction. BUT. The next time I saw her I did the same thing, and this time I looked to see what happened, and she smiled back and said hi. Ever since then, I still cross the street quickly to keep Sally away, but we smile and say hi to each other.

The moral of this story is to be nice even if you are pissed, especially if it's something dumb and small. This moral does not apply to politics, for example, do not be nice to George W. if you see him.

2. I'm A Lady

I was at the airport once waiting for my luggage at the carousel. There was a family of two boys and a dad next to me. One of the boys was holding onto a rolly suitcase, but he let go, and it tipped over and the handle hit my leg.

"I'm sorry, sir," the teenager said, and he righted the suitcase.

"I'm a lady," I said.

The teenager turned beet red and said, "I'm so sorry, I didn't even look up to see who it hit!" I said that's okay and laughed. His brother was cracking up and the dad said to me, "He's not going to live that one down for a long time."

3. Crazy Lady

Today when I was "O.U." with Sally, I heard some weird yelling. Just a sort of long sound, with no words, but not frantic, just a sort of long loud yell. We went around a corner and I heard it again, so I looked back at the next block where the sound was coming from. There was a lady there just walking along. Yelling. Of course it's not nice to stare so I turned around and tugged Sally along, but Sally kept turning all the way around to look at the crazy yelling lady. I was like stop looking at the crazy lady! Eventually, Sally turned around and we walked back home.

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* O.U. is code for "outside". Because Sally knows the word "outside" and I don't want to get her all revved up until I'm actually ready to physically exit the apartment, keys and poop bag in hand.