The Loudest Popcorn Eater in the History of the World

Pete and I saw Babel on Sunday. We had good seats - we like to sit up close, but not too close - and the theater was not very full so there wasn't anyone very near us.

However, once the movie began, so began the long popcorn meal of The Loudest Popcorn Eater in the History of the World. This man was sitting one row up and at least 8 seats away from us. This man ate a lot of popcorn throughout the movie and did not close his mouth when chewing so we could hear every crunchy chew.

It was really really loud. I wanted to move but I actually thought that wherever I moved to, I would still hear the eating. IT WAS REALLY THAT LOUD.

Now, the other thing about this man was how fast he ate. This is hard to describe on a blog, so I'm going to give a text example of what I think regular popcorn-eating speed would be like.

Put hand in popcorn container.
Grab popcorn.
Put up to face.
Put in mouth.
Close mouth.
Chew popcorn.
Pause.
Pause.
Pause.
Repeat.

This fellow ate his popcorn like this:
Put hand in popcorn container. Rustle it around.
Grab popcorn.
Put up to face put in mouth chew with mouth open, while mouth is still open and chewing, grab more and stuff it in as fast as you can, chew with mouth open, while mouth is still open and chewing, grab more and stuff it in as fast as you can, chew with mouth open, while mouth is still open and chewing, grab more and stuff it in as fast as you can.
Then pause for 15 minutes, during which the people in the theater hope that your popcorn is gone because you're certainly inhaling it fast enough.

But then, repeat.

It was really awful, guys, and if you think I'm exaggerating as I am wont to do at times, Pete can vouch that this is the plain truth.

He also dropped his cell phone on the floor and it glowed at me while he rustled around trying to pick it up.

He also took breaks in between popcorn eating to drink soda and, I think, eat some sort of candy like M & M's.