A variety of things I have never said

out loud but have wanted to say:

-- Who is that weird lady? [referring to person's relative in family photo]
-- I hate you! You're an asshole!
-- Nice parking job!
-- When you flip your long, sweat-soaked hair around, your sweat splatters on me. [to person on the next treadmill over]
-- Giving me your old t-shirt because it's "too big" for you is not very nice. Plus I do not want it.
-- I dreamed that we were friends.
-- I can't believe you peed "a whole amount" on your bathroom floor and you weren't even drunk.
-- I'm the one who put jonnynono's garlic bread crust in the microwave for 5 minutes in hopes to cause the "burst of steam" mechanism to kick in but instead the crust started on fire.
-- Stop following me around my 1-bedroom apartment!
-- I don't like my milk to be ice-cold; you are thinking of someone else.
-- Get in your own lane, fucker!
-- You have two inches of snot hanging from your nose after that sneeze you just did.
-- Please stop saying "I almost shit my pants" because it's gross.
-- Did you fart?

A couple things I actually said:

-- I can't believe you covered up that "whole amount" of pee with the bath rug!
-- You smell like gravy. [said in conjuction with fw.]
-- But, American coffee is usually drip coffee. In the U.S., an Americano is espresso with hot water. So I would like whatever you have that is espresso with hot water.
-- I am calling to ask if you are gay. If you are, I am very sad you didn't tell me yourself, but not sad that you are gay.
-- There's the guy who pooped his pants in the Search Industry seminar.
-- Did you fart?