In Honor of dbd...

...whose body in days past, apparently, closely resembled that of the Black Crowes' Chris Robinson (see right).

This is taken from a little newsletter I published out of my West Seattle apartment back in the day. From the May 9, 2001 issue.

Chris Robinson of the Black Crowes Reveals All in Phone Interview

Blade: Chris Robinson of the Black Crowes, thank you for agreeing to talk to the Ben Nevis. Chris Robinson of the Black Crowes, what have you been up to lately?
Chris Robinson: Well, I've been getting used to my married life. With Chris Robinson everything counts!

B: You recently married starlet Kate Hudson. Do people like you more now?
CR: People like me less. People never liked me. People like me less whenever I do anything. Jesus is the only one that likes me. More than you will ever know. [sings] Whoa whoa whoa.

B: Do people ask you how you got her to marry you? Are they suspicious for a variety of reasons?
CR: What would those reasons be, Blade? You said a variety of reasons so apparently you know what those reasons are. Obviously you thought there must be reasons. I only talk to those who are my friends. My friends know what a wonderful low-key lazy bones guy I am and they know also why Kate Hudson would be interested in me because I am so good.

B: How is your relationship with Goldie Hawn?
CR: I like Goldie Hawn. Perhaps I like Goldie Hawn's husband more than Goldie Hawn. Do you know who that is, Blade?

B: Kurt Russell?
CR: That's right. I gave Goldie Hawn a pot-leaf belt buckle for Mother's Day.

B: That's nice.
CR: Thank you. Why are you laughing?

B: I'm sorry, it's my dog. My dog is a clown dog.
CR: Your dog is a clown dog?

B: Yes. When did you first discover that your legs were on backwards?
CR: I'd like you to rephrase the question for me please. Eh-huh.

B: At what age did you discover your legs were on backwards?
CR: I was approximately 3 years old.

B: Do you wear your pants backwards or forwards? In other words, is the fly on the same side as your face, or not?
CR: My pants often do not have flies. I first discovered that my legs were on backwards as a young boy in the walker when I still wore rubber pants over my diapers. When my walker would only go backwards I realized that my rubber pants were beneficial in that they didn't reveal if my pants were on backwards or forwards so I continue to wear rubber pants to this day. Or pants where you cannot detect where the fly is located.

B: How do you sit on a plane? Does your face push up against the seat?
CR: I sit in first class.

B: But does your face push up against the seat?
CR: I only sit on planes which have no back to their seats or I lie down.

B: When you walk, which way do you face? Do you watch where you are going, with your legs moving backwards, or do you walk with your legs facing forwards?
CR: I'm tiring of these questions about my legs, Blade. Rolling Stone asked me no questions about my legs - only about my tunes. I feel you are unfriendly to the Black Crowes. You haven't asked any rock and roll questions and I'm a rock and roll star. I don't hear you typing, Blade! Who is in control of this interview, the famous man or you? I want you to ask me questions about my music.

B: Those questions are coming up later, towards the end. They're coming up soon.
CR: Ask the questions from the end and work backwards!

B: Well, they're chronological so I can't.
CR: [Pause.] All right. Continue.

B: Sometimes do you forget which way to walk? Like maybe if you're nervous?
CR: No comment.

B: Do you have a rear-view mirror for your head?
CR: I have a rear view mirror located on my butt. And since my butt is in front of me, I can see behind me in this rear view mirror.

B: What was it like when you were in grade school and your legs were on backwards?
CR: It was all right except I had to convince them to turn my desk seat around so that I could straddle the seat to write on the desk part of it. The students never made fun of me because even in grade school I was Chris Robinson, star of the Black Crowes.

B: What about junior high and high school?
CR: No comment.

B: Did you still have to go to gym class?
CR: I did, yes.

B: You grew up in the South. What was that like?
CR: I did not grow up in the South. Where did you hear this?

B: On the Black Crowes Web site.
CR: Which one? The official one or un-official?

B: Official.
CR: What's the URL?

B: www.blackcrowes.com
CR: Growing up in the South was gratifying. It was fun.

B: When you were younger, how did having your legs on backwards affect your dream to be a rock and roll star?
CR: I was always a rock and roll star, and always a rock and roll star even with my legs on backwards. I'm tired of all these questions about my legs, I want to get to the questions about me being a rock and roll star!

B: What do doctors say about your condition?
CR: Which condition?

B: Your legs being on backwards.
CR: Doctors tell me that many little boys from the South have this condition and I should be happy I was born a rock star and not a poor retarded kid.

B: If you and Kate Hudson have a child, will its legs be on backwards?
CR: That is yet to be determined.

B: You and your Black Crowes are not Classic Rock. So what are you then?
CR: We consider ourselves brute blues rock.

B: Brute blues rock? B-R-U-T-E?
CR: No, R-O-O-T B-R-U-I-S-E rock. Root bruise music.

B: What does that mean?
CR: You don't know? I don't know if I can enlighten you any further. People who work at the Ben Nevis probably would call it Classic Rock.

B: But I just said that it's not Classic Rock, so what is it?
CR: Well the people at the Ben Nevis should know. You'd probably just put it under Classic Rock.

B: Who are your Classic Rock influences?
CR: Ed Grimley.

B: He's your Classic Rock influence?
CR: He's my main influence in general in music. His legs are on backwards as well. I don't know, Blade. I don't know if this interview is going to be helpful to the Black Crowes or me as a rock star. I thought the Ben Nevis was honorable but based on your questioning I am distrustful.

B: With the Ben Nevis you get a good opportunity to reach people you might not reach otherwise.
CR: Like who?

B: Like…Willis.
CR: I've reached Willis! You call him up and ask him what he thinks of "She Talks to Angels"! Are you going to include your words or only mine?

B: Mine too.
CR: I do have one thing to add. What did you think of David Bell's error in the game today?

B: Are you an M's fan?
CR: No, I like the Red Sox.

B: I would've thought you liked the Braves.
CR: I don't put stock in the South. Hey, you're ignoring the question!

B: Well, I was pretty disappointed. It took a bad hop -
CR: It took a pretty regular hop! It went right between his legs!

B: It took a bad hop and that's why it went between his legs -
CR: You're avoiding the question!

B: I was answering the question and you interrupted me.
CR: I didn't interrupt! [mean mumblings about David Bell…]

B: It seems to me like you're getting pretty agitated over this M's game. That doesn't really match your supposed persona of the mellow, "lazy bones" kind of guy you were talking about earlier.
CR: It seems like this is some sort of one-horse operation. I don't think you like Chris Robinson of the Black Crowes! Is this yellow journalism?! I fear as I am a Black Crowe, you are a yellow journalist. You can quote me on that, Blade.

B: Thank you Chris Robinson of the Black Crowes. Good luck with your new album and your tour with Oasis.

Tonight, the role of Chris Robinson was played by FW Martin.

Reprinted with permission of the Ben Nevis. © 2001