Ah, youth

Here's an excerpt from a letter I wrote to a close high school friend the 3rd week into my freshman year of college (1992). Luckily back then I wrote letters on my computer and I found this last night when searching my archives. Items in [brackets] are, of course, edits from today.

Be sure to note the prohibitively high cost of cereal in those days.

***
Later...
I am back. I went to Rhetoric [class] and talked to my friend Chris, and came back and ate dinner (it was whipped cream night, my favourite [sic - pretentious spelling!]) and then I went to the grocery store with Bindu and Jennifer, who are both very bizarre. So now it's practically 8 'cause the grocery store is far away and we walked. I bought orange juice, water, and bagels. I meant to buy cereal but it was $4/box!! Yikes! So I'm going to try to get my parents to buy it this weekend. My parents just called. They are assuming they will find a place to park in front of my dorm. Good luck. I think they should go to the hotel and walk over but if they want to create stress that's their business I guess.

I saw Chris in the laundry room (living in the basement, or Cave as I like to call it, has its advantages, one of which is always knowing who's doing their laundry) so I taught him how to do his laundry free. We have to buy tokens to put into the machines instead of quarters but there is one machine that you can put the token halfway in, and pull it out and the washer will go anyway. Needless to say, Chris was pleased with my little laundry tip. I feel proud and heroic.

Something scary has come about. One time I saw [weird person from a year ahead of me in HS] in the [dorm] lobby, so I went and looked on the directory, but his name wasn't there. But today I saw him again in the hall by food service and he was looking at me like he might know who I was. I was thinking he wouldn't recognize me or remember me if he saw me but maybe I was wrong. Anyway I looked at the directory again and he does live here in my building. Maybe he looks like that at everybody. I don't even know where his room would be, the room number started with an 'N' and they're supposed to start with 1,2,3 or 4. Strange. Is he a booger? Let me know. Do you know him? I don't but [our journalism teacher] Gonzo said he was kind of boogery, and so did [random HS classmate]. I figured Gonzo would know. Oh well, maybe I won't run into him again. If I do should I be nice and talk to him? I probably should but maybe he doesn't like me. Who knows. Maybe he hates everybody. That's the impression I got at [our high school].

I think in the last letter I wrote you I was pretty pissed at my floor, but that was only for that night. Most often, everything is pretty cool. Although still, I can't really find anything in common with the people on my floor. But they're nice. And I'm still getting along with [Robeanian] (that's my roommate).

Now I think I'm going to go read my geology book (fossils—memories of [our 4th grade teacher] —yeccch.) and maybe do French homework. Talk to you soon scoober.

Love,
[Bladio]

***
I ended up riding back to college once with "weird person from a year ahead of me in HS" and we didn't even speak 2 words to each other. The radio in my parents' car was broken so I sang to myself the whole time and he didn't even say one thing. It was really odd.

Fun Things to Do

In Seattle:

1. Go see this series of shows put on by Printer's Devil Theatre. I went last night and they are really great.
2. On Wed. go see Hedda Gabler, a film by our friend Willis. It's really great.

Anywhere in the world:

1. Buy the new Harvey Danger album or download it. It's really great too.

There seems to be a spate of really great things around lately! In case you think I think any old thing is really great, here are some exceptions:

1. When a tape gets stuck in my car's tape player and breaks the whole radio = really bad.
2. When a car pulls out in front of you and then goes really slow = really annoying.
3. Stuart Saves His Family = not my favorite.
4. Sin City = terrible.
5. Cold sandwiches = gross.
6. Quentin Tarantino = bite my butt!

Why I was mad at Don DeLillo for so long

Don DeLillo is one of Pete's favorite writers. Way back when, before we were going out, I was over at the Dump visiting Herb and somehow Pete and I got to talking about Don DeLillo. He showed me his autographed hardback copy of Underworld and told me how good it was. I asked if I could borrow it and he hemmed and hawed and it was pretty obvious that he was uncomfortable with a book signed by one of his favorite authors of all time leaving the house. But he was too polite to just say it. So I said "I won't borrow it. I don't want to take the risk of losing it or ruining it," and he said "no, no, take it take it" against his better judgment. What a sweet guy! (I oughta marry that dude…ha!) Anyway when he left for work he believed I was going to borrow it but of course – I didn't. What am I, nuts?! I would not loan out a book if it was signed by one of my favorite writers. In fact, I have a signed copy of Juniper Tree Burning by Goldberry Long, who is a great writer and was one of my favorite teachers at the UI. And just so I wouldn't ever have to loan it out, but also to be able to promote her book, I bought a paperback just for loaning out to avoid the very awkwardness of denying a reader the loan of a signed book.

And by the way – I did loan out the Goldberry paperback years ago and I still haven't gotten it back which is just proof that a person should not loan out a signed book! I bring that up to make a point, not to dis to whomever I loaned that book to, in case it's YOU – I actually don't even know who it is, and of course I don't need the dang thing back because I have my own freakin copy.

Anyway. After Pete and I started going out I read his copy of White Noise. You know how it is when you're going out and getting to know each other, and you try things that your significant other likes. (Another example of this was when I went to a Residents show with Pete and Batt. Pete really enjoys the Residents so to be supportive and spend time together I went to this show. OH MY GOD it was the WORST FARKIN EXPERIENCE EVER. Unlike most rock shows where it's in a bar and if you're not having fun, you can go to the back and read The Stranger or whatever, this was in a theatre, and we were in seats and COULD NOT ESCAPE. I will bet you $5 that Pete is going to comment on this post and say that it was a bad show and he didn't like it either, but that usually they are really good. Sure, Pete!)

So I wasn't that crazy about White Noise. If this outrages you, then feel free to comment and rant, however I'm not going to argue with you because it was long ago and I don’t remember much about the book except that I wasn't crazy about it.

But Pete loved Underworld and it looked good and I started it. I'm not sure when this was. April or May? I was really enjoying it. It's a very thick book. I am not opposed to thick books. But as I got further and further into the book I noticed that it was really taking me forever to read this book. Most days I read in bed before I fall asleep. Sometimes this can be up to an hour of reading time. But this book is so intense and rich with details – I mean you do not want to miss even one word – that it was zapping my mind and I could only read it for like 10 minutes a night before zonking out.

Perhaps you're thinking "that means it's boring, Bladio you num-nuts" and sure it's easy to presume that when you fall asleep reading a book it's because it's boring but NOT IN THIS CASE. This book is freakin good. Thus how excited was I to take it on our honeymoon, a whole week of swimming and reading on the beach with no bookshelves to dust, no meetings to attend, no dog to bathe! I could read it and read it and read it straight through! Doesn't that sound so great! And I was also happy because I could finally finish it and start a new book!

I love vacations and I love books. I like to bring at least 3 books on a trip because I usually finish one and then I like to choose what to read next. Of course I have to multiply the number of books from which to choose, depending on how long my vacation is. Our honeymoon was one whole week so I figured I would finish 3 books (not including Underworld) so I needed to bring…FOURTEEN BOOKS!

You see, we got these two huge roll-ey suitcases for our wedding. And I was like "I'm filling this one up with books!" Well, that's not quite true. Actually I put like 3 books in and then I would walk past the bookcase and see another one I needed, and toss that one in, and so on.

Here are the delectable titles I brought along on our honeymoon:
-- Shakey (biography of Neil Young that the lovely T-rod gave us)
-- The Shining (I'm skeeered!!! also, written in the town where my parents live)
-- Anna Karenina (No I've never read it ok?!)
-- Angels & Demons (by the guy who wrote the Da Vinci Code)
-- A Tree Grows in Brooklyn (I bought this last year after spending some time in sweet Brooklyn)
-- A Cook's Tour (by the guy who wrote Kitchen Confidential, which is good)
-- The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (recommended and loaned to me by JJS)
-- Snow Crash (sent to me by my London work friend Tom because it reminded him of me – the book seems really weird, so I wonder in what way?! Like, 'cause I'm so weird?)
-- Babyji (bought on a whim, takes place in India; is the main character "a cerebral schoolgirl or a predatory lecher"? I will decide!)
-- Your Call Is Important to Us: The Truth About Bullshit (we saw the author [Laura Penny] on 60 Minutes and it turns out she's a friend of our friend Rosa)
-- A biography of Frida Kahlo (because I liked the movie)
-- Hammer of the Gods (biography of Led Zeppelin) (by the way, happy Zeptember, everyone!)
-- Native Son (again, one I've never read that I should've read long ago)
-- Chore Whore: Adventures of a Celebrity Personal Assistant (a sort-of gift from K's mom – she didn't like it as she is not interested in celebrities, so she gave it to me, yay!)

A suitcase filled with so many books is pretty farkin heavy. But that didn't matter right because they were roll-ey suitcases? Well actually the place we stayed didn't have an elevator and we were on the 3rd floor. So Pete was really, um, sad when he carried my suitcase up the stairs. I was very apologetic. "Why do you need so many books!!!" he said in frustration. "Because I like to choose," I said with much sympathy to his heavy plight. That was the first tense moment of our marriage! But we worked it out quickly and now I recall the moment fondly. How sweet to share a teeny bit of tension over books since we both love books! Books books books!

So now picture this. Hawaii. The isle of Kauai. Sunny skies, clear water, pleasant breeze. Swimming suit, sunglasses. Mai tai with a honkin slice of pineapple on the rim. Mountains of macadamia nuts. Pete by my side. etc. etc. and ta-da! a big bucket of books. I read the last page of Underworld and close it. I reach into the book bucket. Cook's Tour? No, I think I want fiction. Native Son? No, time for something lighter. What shall I read…?

See the reason I have to ask you to picture this is because that did not happen. So I'm picturing it too, as a sort of fantasy (there weren't mountains of macadamia nuts either). I did not finish Underworld in Hawaii. Because it is TOO FREAKIN LONG. And that was why I was mad at Don DeLillo for so long. Because I took all those books to Hawaii and I didn't get to read them. But I’m not mad anymore because I finally finished that fucker last week. And now I'm reading The Magician's Assistant by Ann Patchett, which I love so far. And you'll notice that's not on the list of books I took on my honeymoon. THAT is because I like to CHOOSE.

This guy has an itchy lip

© 2005 The Palace of the Spitting Frog

Announcement

Bladio Blogio would like to announce a New Weekly Feature called the Ready Consumer. As some of you know, I like to find out about new products and try them. I like to consume (literally) and evaluate:

-- Snacks on the go

-- Savory food at restaurants (across the spectrum: fast food, average sit-down, fancy, etc.)

-- Savory food at home

-- Sweets (mass-produced candy, ice cream, etc. and also artisan baked goods)

-- Appetizers

-- Take-out food

-- Beverages (alcoholic and non-)

I also like to try out (but not literally "consume" because then I would puke) other consumer goods including:

-- Bath and body (some would call these "at-home spa") products

-- Household cleaning items

-- Fun electronics

-- Home office supplies

-- And more!

This weekly feature (I'm not sure yet which day of the week it will be) will be a place where I review different foods and products. This will also be a forum to discuss advertising of the aforementioned products, because I can appreciate good advertising (can't you?) but I absolutely loathe stupid commercials. And I'm not afraid to say it.

If you would like to ask the Ready Consumer a question to be answered in a future post, please email consumerblade @ hotmail.com (but remove the spaces of course).

Here's an example of a question I received last week.

Q: Blade, what do you do for lunch over there in Bellevue? Does your office have a cafeteria or what?

--Loppy Loojna

A: I know what you're thinking. You're envisioning a big group of loud office workers going to TGIFriday's in the peaceful wonderland of the Eastside, drinking fruity boozy drinks and laughing so hard about that email that Soobian accidentally sent out to the whole office saying that he pooped his pants or whatever. Well I’m sure that happens at some places of business, but not at mine. But that's ok. Really it is! Because the people I described above sound like a bunch of phonies.

Anyway back to your question, "Loppy Loojna". The place I work does not have a cafeteria. I usually eat at my desk. When I am being careful about what I eat, I usually heat up a Lean Cuisine in the microwave. But lately I have either been getting my lunch at Whole Foods (which will be the subject of its own post someday) or Taco Bell.

Taco Bell, how retro! you're thinking. Perhaps, like me, you haven't eaten there since about 1997. Well I can tell you there are lots of positive changes at Taco Bell recently, so much so that all I can think about is Taco Bell! At 9:30 in the morning (did I mention that I don’t eat breakfast so I'm hungry for lunch really early?), I am thinking about Taco Bell. When am I thinking about Taco Bell? Morning Noon and Night.

Sometimes I dream of the Taco Bell of my past. You remember, way back when. When I was like eight, I knew a family that went to the Taco Bell at 72nd and Dodge every Sunday after church. I was so jealous! Sure my dad was cooking up pork loin and fried chicken and steak and all sorts of magical meals that I took for granted, but here was this family eating at Taco Bell!!! My parents did not believe in Taco Bell. The only time we got to eat fast food was when my dad was out of town on business, and then we would go to Burger King or Arby's.

All that changed when my junior high friend Brooke and her family took me to Taco Bell and introduced me to the Mexican Pizza. I hope you have all experienced the joy of the TB Mexican Pizza. If not, please go eat one now. Anyway I don't remember how this happened but somehow I described this to my parents and then shazam! my parents were converted to Taco Bell. Keep in mind I think the only thing they've had there to this day is the Mexican Pizza. But that is still a step ahead for them.

My trip down memory lane does not last too long, except for a summer during 6th grade or so when my sister worked at the neighborhood pool, and she would get off work at like 10 PM and come home and we would watch re-runs of Twilight Zone and Mannix on KPTM Fox 42 (this was before Fox was a full fledged network; all they showed was old re-runs and Elvis movies) and every night there was this TB commercial with a huge tomato rolling by and the accompanying jingle featured these lyrics: "Hello, Taco Bell!" but my sister and I would sing "Oh hell, Taco Bell!" and then we would laugh really hard. That doesn't actually involve the FOOD though, does it? Golly, Loppy Loojna! My answer to your seemingly-simple question is getting away from me!

Anyway lately I'm obsessed with Taco Bell. I recommend the Crunchwrap. This is a new product I saw on a TV commercial in June or July. I hadn't been to TB since, as I said above, 1997 or so, but this commercial got me going there again. They sure knew what they were doing with that ad!

The TB I go to doesn't have it on the drive-thru menu so you better write it on your hand before you go. It's a flour tortilla. They pour nacho cheese on it. Then they pop a crispy yellow corn tostada on there. Then they put on "ground beef" and other traditional taco toppings such as lettuce and sour cream. Then they fold it up like a flying saucer and you eat it! Yum.

(Note: FW got one of these with beans instead of sour cream because he has a horrific aversion to sour cream. He wasn't too hot on it. Do you think this is because he altered the magic ingredient combo? Or is it not a good product? Or is he just lame? Or what?? Well this is a blog so if you have an opinion of course – please post a comment.)

I am getting tired of writing about Taco Bell. I never thought that would happen! Anyway I also like the Double Decker Taco Supreme (that's the Shaq taco, eh JJS?) and the Nacho Cheese Chalupa! This is a chalupa, which is like a taco but with a fried flour tortilla instead of a corn shell, and there is liquid cheese holding the "beef" together!

When you are thinking about going to Taco Bell please remember the food is not good for you. It's full of fat and calories.

Yours in consumerism,
Blade, the Ready Consumer

Saving Voice Mail Messages

I like to save particularly funny or sweet voice mail messages. The voice mail lady lets you save a message for 100 days. And then when those 100 days are up, the voice mail lady says "You have had the following saved message for 100 days, the maximum time allowed blah blah blah". I actually don't know how to fast-forward through messages (Pete has told me, but I can't remember) so I listen to the message through and then save it again.

I have had the same phone number since around July 2000 so I have quite a few old ones that I can't bear to delete. Anyway today I just heard the message that JPW left last November asking us to go to ConWorks on Sunday Nov. 21 and pick up a check from JG.

Those of you who know JPW know that he's a very charming man who is so sweet that he sometimes gets you to do things you don't want to do because he's so convincing! I can think of 2 examples right off the top of my head:

1. I didn't want to get nachos at El Gallito (I know that doesn't make any sense, since I love nachos and now that FW lives in NY I never get to eat them; you'd think I'd be clamoring for a chance to share nachos with a friendly fellow) and JPW talked me into it.
2. I didn't want to mix mint ice cream with root beer ice cream in our Ranch Critter Pie, and I was very adamant about it, but I gave in and it turned out to be delicious. I know - it sounds gross! But it was good.

Anyway there's this message from JPW on our voice mail. The thing that is unusual about his message is a special level of urgency and also many apologies for asking such a horrible favor. At the time this should have raised a bit of a red flag because in fact it was NOT a horrible favor. It was a very simple, easy favor. ConWorks is only about 10 minutes away and there's lots of parking. The gist of his message is:

1. "I know you're going to hate me for this" but he would like us to go pick up this check from JG at ConWorks between 5 and 6 PM on Sunday.
2. That hour is the only hour possible to pick up the check, because they're striking the show then, and then JG is getting on a plane, and ConWorks will be closed the following week.
3. JG has a "thing" about sending checks in the mail so it's now or else 2 months from now and JPW really needs the check so he can finish his film.
4. JPW is going to Rhode Island and he cannot be reached so don't try to call him.
5. Also, JPW is getting a cold "which sucks".
6. JPW will try calling Pete at work so as to speak to a "real person" as opposed to voice mail, but "Shit! Fuck!" he doesn't have Pete's work number on him.

The message ends with "I know I sound sort of panicked. This is my last chance before I get on the subway before I'm out of commission. Thank you a million times!"

So when Pete got home that night, I told him that we needed to go pick up this check for JPW and he seemed really annoyed, which was out of character for him considering how small of a favor it was. I mean, Sunday was my birthday and we were going out for steak at JaK's in West Seattle, but we could easily stop at ConWorks on the way.

Anyway as some of you know, the whole thing was phony! It was a ruse to get us to ConWorks (which is where Pete and I started our courtship) so Pete could propose! I love re-living that series of moments every 100 days. I guess we can never move because we need to keep this phone number forever.

Some other old messages on our voice mail include:

-- FW calling from Port Townsend to share sympathy in the M's playoffs loss and to broach the idea of watching the first Nebraska football game of the season;

--Pete's first message after he got back from his world tour (before we were going out), saying he's busy on Saturday but he'll see me at Taco Tuesday (also, he describes the new cut of "Cinema Paradiso" as being "less cloyingly sentimental" than the original);

-- Dup shouting "Congratulations!";

-- K & S (her 3-year-old) singing "How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria";

-- Killough doing a really weird rap while stuck in traffic in the Bay Area;

-- Drunken JPW, Bog Face and DBrooks calling from 46th St. between 8th and 9th Ave in NY, shouting "Come to the bar!";

-- Pete singing "Happy Birthday";

-- K, W singing "You're 30, you're 30! We can't believe you're 30!" (It goes on for a long time);

-- Vegh saying "Good god are you people never home? You know what you are? Children of the Night. Children of the Night!";

-- JPW pretending to be a lady named Linda from a frame shop letting us know there's a package for us to pick up "and it's taking up some extra storage that we cannot afford";

-- A prank caller shouting "BUNS!";

-- KTS singing a really weird version of "Don't bite the mailman".