doppelgänger

Mosugs and I took a girls' trip to Portland this past weekend. Look who we saw at Oddball Tattoo in Portland waiting for his tattoo!

Prophet of Evil - Update!

Last night Pete and I were watching Big Love -- which we, well, love -- and Bill was meeting this guy from the Salt Lake City Leadership League and I was like, that guy was in Prophet of Evil!

And Pete said WHAT? and we paused it and rewound it. I said, "He was William Devane's cop partner in Prophet of Evil, and he was also the sergeant on CHiPS." And Pete was like, OH YEAH!

This time, Pete totally had the reaction I had been striving for! It was awesome!

Prophet of Evil

Last week Pete and I watched a DVD called Prophet of Evil starring Brian Dennehy and William Devane. For some reason we own this DVD. I think Pete got it for free at work. (If you know where he works, you can understand why they wouldn't want that lying around his workplace. But you also might be confused, as I am, if you try to imagine the circumstances where they were passing this DVD out to employees.) Anyway it was a made-for-tv movie about a real-life polygamist killer named Ervil LeBaron (played by Dennehy). We were watching it and one of Ervil's followers/thugs looked really familiar. He looked like the guy on Seinfeld who talked in a woman's voice. So I looked him up on IMBD and indeed it was the same guy. So after we finished Prophet of Evil we watched the episode he was in. Those of you who watch Seinfeld, you will recall this is the episode where this man was known as the "high talker," Dan, and Elaine called him on the phone and she thought he was her woman friend (the high talker's girlfriend) and she was like, "were you flirting with Jerry?" and he was like "what!"

Then we watched an episode I'd never seen before, called The Doodle. It was one of the best evenings ever.

Speaking of people in Prophet of Evil who are in other films or television, Jackie Earle Haley also played a killer/disciple. About every third time he was onscreen, I would say, "That's the guy who played Kelly Leak in the Bad News Bears!" or "It's the pedophile from Little Children". No matter how many times I made these statements, I could not impress Pete enough to comment. He would just nod. The fact that he wouldn't comment made me want to say these things more, more! What I really wanted was an "oh yeah!" Finally towards the end of the movie, I said, "He was also in Breaking Away." This grand finale finally got an "oh" out of Pete! I wonder what Pete's thought processes were during this time?

One of the weirdest scenes in Prophet of Evil was when William Devane, who was playing the cop seeking to put Ervil behind bars for his crimes, was eating breakfast at home with his family. His two grade school kids were talking to each other really loudly and saying stuff like, WHAT DID YOU DO AT SCHOOL YESTERDAY? and WHAT DID YOU DO AT SCHOOL YESTERDAY? And then William Devane was like, Stop children! And then he was like, put one hand on the opposite shoulder. Now put the other hand on the opposite shoulder. Now put your hands over your mouth. Now keep them that way!

And then the mom of the family, played by Dee Wallace Stone, said, "I'm pregnant!"

You can all relax

I found the missing West Wing Season 1.

It was on the floor behind the TV. Season 4 was back there too. In fact, I left them both there because that way I know where they are.

Thanks to those who meditated, hoped, etc. that I would find it.

Happy Birthday KWW!

You're the best!

Snow -n- Go

It snowed!

Sally likes to get snow in her beard.


Some trees on Howell.

18th St.

A variety of things I have never said

out loud but have wanted to say:

-- Who is that weird lady? [referring to person's relative in family photo]
-- I hate you! You're an asshole!
-- Nice parking job!
-- When you flip your long, sweat-soaked hair around, your sweat splatters on me. [to person on the next treadmill over]
-- Giving me your old t-shirt because it's "too big" for you is not very nice. Plus I do not want it.
-- I dreamed that we were friends.
-- I can't believe you peed "a whole amount" on your bathroom floor and you weren't even drunk.
-- I'm the one who put jonnynono's garlic bread crust in the microwave for 5 minutes in hopes to cause the "burst of steam" mechanism to kick in but instead the crust started on fire.
-- Stop following me around my 1-bedroom apartment!
-- I don't like my milk to be ice-cold; you are thinking of someone else.
-- Get in your own lane, fucker!
-- You have two inches of snot hanging from your nose after that sneeze you just did.
-- Please stop saying "I almost shit my pants" because it's gross.
-- Did you fart?

A couple things I actually said:

-- I can't believe you covered up that "whole amount" of pee with the bath rug!
-- You smell like gravy. [said in conjuction with fw.]
-- But, American coffee is usually drip coffee. In the U.S., an Americano is espresso with hot water. So I would like whatever you have that is espresso with hot water.
-- I am calling to ask if you are gay. If you are, I am very sad you didn't tell me yourself, but not sad that you are gay.
-- There's the guy who pooped his pants in the Search Industry seminar.
-- Did you fart?

Go Big Red

DEAR ABBY: I was married last weekend in a small family setting. It is the second marriage for both my husband and me. My father left right after the ceremony, took Mom with him, and missed our wedding reception in order to watch a college football game. He had never met my in-laws before.

I am furious and embarrassed, and I'm not sure how to get over the hurt of knowing a game he could have taped on his VCR was more important than being with me at such an important event. Can you give me any advice? -- WOUNDED BRIDE IN NEBRASKA

DEAR WOUNDED BRIDE: I get this a lot from people in your state. It's just part of living there. You should have gotten married on a day when the Huskers weren't playing. Love, Abby

*****

Note from the blogger: I took the liberty of paraphrasing Abby's answer to keep it short for those of my readers who have a busy schedule. You can see her complete reply here (you will have to scroll down).

A Watery Childhood

When KWW and I were children we were obsessed with water.

First let me tell you a bit about the history of kww and me. Our parents became friends while she and I were in our respective mothers' wombs. And we have been best friends since about age 4. That is almost 30 years! Our parents had become friends through church. kww and I never went to the same school but we still hung out a lot. When we were kids one of us would go play at the other's house after church almost every Sunday. We would also spend the night at each other's houses sometimes. Then in our driving years, one Friday every month we would go to Julio's (CHEESE DIP yum) and then rent 2 movies.

The Burglar Alarm
Anyway our obsession with water began innocently enough when we were about six or eight I suppose. One time when I was spending the night at kww's, we decided to set up a burglar alarm to catch anyone who came into her room. We had a couple of methods for this. One was to tie a string between the two twin beds in kww's room. If a burglar came in to get us, he/she would trip over the string, fall, and wake us up. We tested this for awhile by pretending to trip and fall but soon we were just running and jumping over the string. kww had particular difficulty because she was wearing a long nightgown and it would get snagged on the string.

We took a break from the burglar alarm idea to invent an experiment where we could find out if we moved while we were sleeping. We put a cup of water on the headboard, tied a string around it, and tied the other end to my toe. If I moved my foot in the night, the cup would tip and water would fall on my head, awakening me. Then I would know that I had moved during my sleep.

During the creation of this experiment we realized that tying a string to a cup of water might also work for our burglar alarm so we went to work. My memory is a little fuzzy as to the evolution of this advanced burglar alarm, but I think one version had the cup of water sitting on top of the rafter in her room, with string around it, and the other end of the string tied to the door knob. We tested this out - what was supposed to happen is that if the door opened, the cup of water would swing on the string and splash the burglar in the face and disorient him/her. And we would be alerted from our sleep by this ruckus. This version didn't last long, because it didn't work very well.

Our next version was much more successful. We left the door open a crack, then put the cup of water on top of the door, leaning on the door frame, so that if someone came in, the cup of water would fall from its precarious position and land on the burglar's head. This, I think, is probably a more traditional burglar alarm. We tested this several times and it worked very well.

Again I'm a bit fuzzy as to when kww's brothers, R and D, entered the picture. I would think that during the invention of this burglar alarm, they were already asleep, as they were younger than us. So perhaps it was the next day when we called them into kww's room and the water would land on their heads. This proved to be great fun and we played "Burglar Alarm" for hours. kww's parents must have been napping during this, because as far as I know, they never knew about "Burglar Alarm" despite the sopping wet carpet in kww's room. The boys figured out how to avoid getting wet by banging the door open and running really fast through it, and actually getting through before the water landed. However kww and I disapproved of this and insisted they move at a leisurely pace.

I think we played this game every time I was over at kww's for months and possibly years. I don't know if her parents ever knew about it.

The Tire Swing
This next watery tale has a sad ending. At kww's house there was a tire swing. When it rained it would fill up with water. kww's parents had a big party one Memorial or Labor Day when all the families came over. The tire swing was full of water from previous rain. kww and I thought it would be really funny if someone happened to be lying under the tire swing and then the swing got swung and the water got all over the person. We engaged her innocent brother D to be our victim, er, particpant. D was probably about 4 (?) at the time. Which means we were about eleven.

We made D lie down under the tire swing while kww and I swung the swing back and forth, hoping that the water would spill out. Unfortunately, no matter how violently or high we swang the swing, no water came out. Eventually the only solution was to stop the swing, and tip it upsode down onto poor D. D was extremely unhappy about this! He was soaked to the bone. He was very upset, to put it mildly, and went to his parents for comfort. kww and I got into big trouble by said parents. She probably got into even more trouble after I left.

The pièce de résistance
Our water obsession culminated in one final hurrah that occured on a Sunday afternoon. We decided to get kww's brother R very wet. No, he hadn't done anything to deserve this. (Neither had D, in the story above. We just liked to get them wet, and it wasn't to be mean, I think we just thought it was funny.)

kww and I opened her window, which was the traditional kind where you slide the pane up and down (as opposed to the kind you crank and they open out, like a door). We went into the front yard and got out the hose. The hose at kww's house had a really cool gadget on it, I can't think of what it's called, but it's like a gun where you squeeze the handle and the water shoots out with extra pressure. We stood below kww's window and shouted, "R! R! R!"

He came to the window and we squirted him full force with the hose. For some reason, as soon as he either saw the water coming, or after it hit him for about one second, he backed away from the window. This left me very frustrated because the point of this whole thing was to spray him for a long time until he got really wet. (When I think back about this, like, why in the hell would a person stand there while we sprayed them with water?) We shouted, "R! Come back!" (As if he would?!) and suddenly the world stopped.

Do you know why?

Because we heard this: "kww!" in a VERY ANGRY tone.

It was the voice of her father, who I felt was a very scary man in general (I don't think so anymore, don't worry kww) and extremely extra scary when angry (not that I'd ever seen that before).

kww's father appeared in the window and we dropped the hose. "kww! You are getting your room and your TV all wet!"

Oh we were so busted. However, I don't recall any specific ramifications other than my heart stopping when kww's dad appeared in the window. Once again, I suppose they occured after the naughty guest had gone home.

I know what you're wondering. Were we both holding the hose? Or just one of us?

Well it was only one of us. But you will never know who. Because later that day, kww and I signed a blood pact (we picked one of my scabs and both used my blood. Even Henry the miniature poodle signed the blood pact with her paw print. Not with blood though, just with ink) swearing that we would never tell. And we never have!

Stay tuned for more Adventures of KWW and Bladio, including but not limited to: The Frizzle Game (starring Zelda the Moon Lamp), Hot Lava, Hot Blood / Cold Feet, The Kidnap Game, and the Martin Luther Musical.

Are you kidding me with this?

Sandra Lee makes the most DISGUSTING things on semi-homemade.

Does anyone seriously watch this and think this stuff looks good, much less make it at home?

I used to not care about her one way or the other but now she and her nasty peaches and frosting and tablescapes make me SICK.

It's really unfortunate that she is between two of my favorite shows, Barefoot Contessa and 30-Minute Meals. I watch an episode of Friends in between but it's on DVD so it only takes up about 20 minutes.

No, I do not watch too much television!

If I could be personal friends with anyone on the Food Network (regardless of their show or the food they cook), it would be Ina Garten. What about you?

p.s. yes that is an angry viewer puking on sandra lee and her gross-out crappo store-bought angel food cake covered with canned beets and rosemary.

p.s. #2 this may seem like a super crabby post but I'm feeling much happier than I did the other day.

i know i should just be freakin happy!

I'm feeling a bit blue. Post-holiday blahs?

-- I'm not ready to go back to work after the holidays.
-- I'm tired of eating right - I want some pizza.
-- I keep denting our car.
-- And, our car is full of trash - all mine except for one Cold-Eeze wrapper on the driver's seat. Even the trunk is full of crap.
-- I think Sally likes me less than she used to.
-- I'm worried about the environment and what our future is going to be like.
-- I don't know how we're going to live here after the housing bubble bursts.
-- I miss my family and my friends who are far away.

Bleah!!!!

To touch on happier topics - I know I should focus on these instead of the above but I guess I don't feel like it.

-- Christmas and New Years were awesome!!
-- Rodley came to visit and it was good!
-- In 11 days we'll be on our way to Snowmass to meet my family for skiing.
-- We saw Talladega Nights and it was really good. Shake and Bake!
-- I have revived my passion for my MP3 player and I'm putting lots of good stuff on it and making playlists.
-- I watched the final season of Alias all in a row over the holidays and it was good. Now I know all about the CIA and all the crap they're up to.
-- Pete and I might drive to Spokane in the summer because I found out they have a Rocky Rococo's there!!!!
-- Life with DVD's is really good.
-- Life with Pete and Sally is awesome (even though Sally likes me less than she used to. What did I do?! What did I do?!)

Hm weird. Writing this has cheered me up a bit. That was NOT my intention. Anyways, Happy New Year, all you funkhausers!