authors

Bog Face inspired this brief post. The summer after high school, FW and I went to this short story conference with our h.s. creative writing teacher. At one session, I was sitting next to Toby Woolf*, but then he switched places with Gay Talese, so I had to sit next to Gay Talese.

Ann Beattie, my favorite author of all time - at that time, not sure who that would be today - was there signing books, but I was too shy to go up to her. So FW got my book signed while I hid behind a plant.

We also ate some pizza. That was fun.

* You can call him Mister Tobias Woolf.

nu shooz

I've never had Vans before.

dvd happy

Behold A Lady

1. Mean Lady Nice Lady Mean Lady Nice Lady

I take Sally "O.U."* in the morning before I go to work. A few months ago on our block was a woman with a small dog, I think a Cairn terrier, the Toto (not the band) kind. So there's this thing where when Sally sees another dog, she freaks out unless she gets to "meet" the dog. And then, most likely, after they meet she will still freak out and scare the dog (and especially its owner) away with her high-pitched shrieking. It's happy shrieking, but it's very grating. ("EEEE! EEEE! EEEE!" No really, it's one of the most horrible sounds you will ever hear, and people rush away from her in terror. Or um, terrier. Ha!)

Anyway this lady was a total SNOB and she just gave me the nastiest look, like, no way I'm letting my dog close to yours. And that was BEFORE Sally started her shrieks. So imagine this lady after the shrieking began. After that episode, I would run into that lady and her (extremely lame) dog every once in awhile and she would give me a nasty look. After a couple of those glares, if I saw her I would cross the street FAST without making eye contact because I was all like fuck you beeyatch! I was especially peeved because she was on OUR block, and I know for SHORE she does not live on our block. And I would come back inside with Sally and I'd say to Pete, that beeyatch was out there again! And he would be like, oh sad.

Anyway one day it struck me that it was pretty lame to be harboring all this extreme negativity, and if that lady wanted to be a beeyatch, she could feel free but I wasn't going to exacerbate it. You know, that whole flies with honey thing, or whatever the fark that saying is. So the next time I saw her, I quickly crossed the street, but first I said "HI!" in a super-friendly way, with a big smile. I was gone before I could see her reaction. BUT. The next time I saw her I did the same thing, and this time I looked to see what happened, and she smiled back and said hi. Ever since then, I still cross the street quickly to keep Sally away, but we smile and say hi to each other.

The moral of this story is to be nice even if you are pissed, especially if it's something dumb and small. This moral does not apply to politics, for example, do not be nice to George W. if you see him.

2. I'm A Lady

I was at the airport once waiting for my luggage at the carousel. There was a family of two boys and a dad next to me. One of the boys was holding onto a rolly suitcase, but he let go, and it tipped over and the handle hit my leg.

"I'm sorry, sir," the teenager said, and he righted the suitcase.

"I'm a lady," I said.

The teenager turned beet red and said, "I'm so sorry, I didn't even look up to see who it hit!" I said that's okay and laughed. His brother was cracking up and the dad said to me, "He's not going to live that one down for a long time."

3. Crazy Lady

Today when I was "O.U." with Sally, I heard some weird yelling. Just a sort of long sound, with no words, but not frantic, just a sort of long loud yell. We went around a corner and I heard it again, so I looked back at the next block where the sound was coming from. There was a lady there just walking along. Yelling. Of course it's not nice to stare so I turned around and tugged Sally along, but Sally kept turning all the way around to look at the crazy yelling lady. I was like stop looking at the crazy lady! Eventually, Sally turned around and we walked back home.

************************************************************

* O.U. is code for "outside". Because Sally knows the word "outside" and I don't want to get her all revved up until I'm actually ready to physically exit the apartment, keys and poop bag in hand.

Guest Blogger #2

I am a man who rides my bike around town. I keep a pair of hedge trimmers in my backpack, and when I run across overgrown bits that are covering the sidewalk, I hop off my bike and start trimming. Here's a picture of me taken from a passing car.


Thanks for listening. And, please keep your landscaping tidy.

funny

This is too funny. I'm not even gong to preface it with any info.

happy

Koffee Klatch

I watched "My Life". It was indeed a tear-jerker. However it was hard to focus when Bradley Whitford (you know him as Josh on "West Wing") was in a scene. Check out his 'stache, I mean come on!

Also - what up with Michael Keaton's lips? He looks like the Kissing Barbie I had in 3rd grade.

Tina - slight knife warning below - I have made the font a weird orange and added a ** border in case you want to skip it.

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I know someone who works in the mental health field and once he was telling me about this guy and he said, "he cut off his own feet." To which I responded:

"WHAT?!?!"

and he was like, now that I think about it, he cut off his toes. And I was like "that's a big difference, between feet and toes!" and he said, "toes is still bad!" and I was like "yeah but I mean, it's not as bad as feet."
********

I got 2 CD's from Amazon.com today: the Pretty in Pink soundtrack and the Some Kind of Wonderful soundtrack. Yo, it's good good news, yo! (As Sally would say.) Remember how we (I'm speaking generationally here, perhaps you won't agree and will reject my speaking for you) saw Some Kind of Wonderful and the only other thing we had seen Eric Stoltz in was Mask and we were like oh my god he's a hottie! Actually believe it or not, back then we did not say "hottie". We said, um, I don't remember. Oh well.

The last thing for today's Koffee Klatch is that the other day, Pete said, "I can't believe you haven't blogged about David Blaine, since you hate him so much." I guess he thought since I wrote about James Frey, Emeril and other annoying people, I would blog about DB.

Incorrect!

David Blaine annoys me so much that I am able to mostly get through the day without knowing what new stupid thing he's up to. I do read headlines, that is part of my mission in life, so I know he's involved in something weird, possibly involving an aquarium, and he had to go to the hospital and now he's out. That's it. I have a steel will when it comes to David Blaine, and the part of my brain set aside for his info is full. Paris Hilton also fits into this category. She is not worth my time or brain space.

Product News Flash

I was at my local supermarket yesterday and noticed some new Ben & Jerry's flavors. The ones I saw were:

* Neopolitan Dynamite (Cherry Garcia® and Chocolate Fudge Brownie ice creams, side by side)
* Turtle Soup (Vanilla ice cream with fudge & caramel cashews & a caramel swirl)
* Vermonty Python (Coffee liqueur ice cream with a chocolate cookie crumb swirl & fudge cows).

Other new flavors that I didn't see, but are on their web site:

* Jamaican Me Crazy (sorbet)
* Strawberry Kiwi Swirl (sorbet)
* Berried Treasure (sorbet)
* Black and Tan (Chocolate & Cream Stout Ice Creams Topped with a Cream Stout Ice Cream Head)
* Cones in a box

I got Vermonty Python to try. I'll let you know how it is. This is their little schpiel: "We interrupt ourselves with much hooting through tin horns to bring you this brilliant new ice cream, made from dried shrubbery and old cereal packets. This is a ripping good flavor, really, so buy it quickly and run away, silly person, or we shall taunt you a second time."*

I also want to try Black and Tan and Turtle Soup. I don't like sorbets that much, so most likely I won't be trying those, if any of you do post your thoughts!

For those of you who are super-interested in Ben & Jerry's, here's a list of their top 10 flavors (again, from their web site, and if you ask me, their web site is a pain in the ass because it's Flash so you can't click "back" to get back. That's also why I can't link to individual flavors to make it easy for you, my dear readers, to click straight to the flavor you're most interested in.)

1. Cherry Garcia® Ice Cream
2. Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough Ice Cream
3. Chunky Monkey® Ice Cream
4. Chocolate Fudge Brownie™ Ice Cream
5. Half Baked™ Ice Cream
6. New York Super Fudge Chunk® Ice Cream
7. Phish Food® Ice Cream
8. Cherry Garcia® Low Fat Frozen Yogurt
9. Coffee Heath Bar Crunch® Ice Cream
10. Peanut Butter Cup™ Ice Cream
    
    

One last fun thing: check out their flavor graveyard. My parents visited this graveyard in Vermont, it's actually a tangible thing, not some Internet fantasy. R.I.P. Wavy Gravy, I loved you.

* copied and pasted just for you, momster!

[edit] confidential to kww - i'm sad to report that your sweet Entangled Mints™ is listed in the flavor graveyard.

midnite confessions

Here are some songs I like. These are on my Download Playlist. (This list is not all-inclusive.)

* I'm Free (Heaven Helps the Man) -- Kenny Loggins (from Footloose)
* I Want to Know What Love Is -- Foreigner
* Babe - Styx
* Baker Street -- Gerry Rafferty
* Follow You Follow Me -- Genesis
* Almost Paradise - Mike Reno and Ann Wilson (from Footloose)
* Eye of the Tiger -- Survivor
* Undercover Angel -- Alan O'Day
* Love is Alive -- Gary Wright
* Emotions in Motion -- Billy Squier
* I Want To Break Free -- Queen
* Reminiscing -- Little River Band
* Hurdy Gurdy Man -- Donovan
* Easy Lover -- Philip Bailey and Phil Collins
* Sara -- Fleetwood Mac
* Here You Come Again -- Dolly Parton
* I Want You To Want Me -- Cheap Trick
* Leader of the Band -- Dan Fogelberg
* Steal Away -- Robbie Dupree
* It Keeps You Runnin' -- Doobie Bros
* Right Down the Line -- Gerry Rafferty
* Same Old Lang Syne -- Dan Fogelberg
* Sweet Talkin' Woman -- ELO
* Twilight Zone -- Golden Earring
* In The City -- Eagles (from The Warriors)
* Burnin' Sky -- Bad Co
* Young Turks -- Rod Stewart
* You Get What You Give -- New Radicals
* Take It On The Run -- REO Speedwagon
* St. Elmos Fire (Man in Motion) -- John Parr
* Army of Me -- Bjork
* Give A Little Bit -- Supertramp
* Rock Me Tonite -- Billy Squier
* Guitar Man -- Bread
* What A Fool Believes -- Doobie Bros
* Working For the Weekend -- Loverboy
* Sweet Child O Mine -- Guns N Roses
* Love Will Turn You Around -- Kenny Rogers (from Six Pack)
* The Rockafeller Skank -- Fatboy Slim
* The Best of Times -- Styx

The only one I still need to get is At This Moment by Billy and the Beaters. It's the song that played when Alex P. Keaton and Ellen danced and it was all, tense and sweet because they were falling in love.

New Baby!!!

kww and watie had their baby this morning!!! She's a beautiful girl, 7 lbs 12 oz, 19 1/2 " long.

Everyone is happy and healthy. They're still finalizing the name.

Yay yay yay!!!

Emeril?

Does anyone like Emeril?

Is he supposed to be funny?

I think he's supposed to be funny, but he seems completely joyless.

Is he trying to be funny?

He seems really lame.

His persona / schtick feel forced.

His recipes sound good.

But he is really annoying, not funny, and let me reiterate - joyless.